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Chuck Norris Jokes

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My favorite kind, based this off the to mama thread, but im not a big fan of those.

 

so..

 

When God said "let there be light", Chuck Norris said "Say please"

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i love chuck norris jokes!

 

if chuck norris has 6 zerglings, and you have 6 zerglings, Chuck Norris' army is bigger than yours.

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When Chuck Norris Jumps into water he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck norris

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Chuck norris once took a math test and wrote violence for all the answers, he got 100 because chuck norris solves all his problems with violence

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My three favourites;

 

When the boogie man goes to bed, he checks his closet for chuck norris

 

When chuck norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down

 

Chuck norris can watch 60 minutes... in 30 minutes

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huh trever i think you made that up on the spot lol and omi took the one i was going to say :/

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I like the one about him not getting wet. I like these two a lot, too:

 

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a giant erection. There were no survivors.

 

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Edited by blight

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you know if your not to lazy you can just google chuck norris jokes ;o

 

EDIT

1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom because there is no such thing from chuck norrs

 

2. Fact: chuck norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives

 

3. They once made Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldnt take shit from anybody

 

4. Chuck Norris Frequently donates blood to the red cross, but never his own

 

5. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

 

6. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

 

7.Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

 

8.Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

 

Those r some i found on 1 site

Edited by Speedskater

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When chuck norris hits a person, the person always respond: "Thank you sir, may i have another?"

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what the crap deku thats no even funny and this topic is dead... chuck norris sucks...

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Chuck Norris was involved in a car crash and lost both of his legs. He walked away from the wreckage.

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what the crap deku thats no even funny and this topic is dead... chuck norris sucks...

 

Chuck Norris You. (I need not put >,< or, =, we all know Chuck Norris wins)

 

Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane with an empty stinger by saying "bang".

 

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

 

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff AND the deputy.

 

The original name for warcraft III reign of chaos was Warcraft III: Chuck Norris, but they decided that was too explicit and would have to be rated Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris does not pay the subscription fee for World Of Warcraft.

 

Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

 

Chuck Norris has halo 3 Recon armour, the thing is he never asked he just set his gamertag as "Chuck Norris" .5seconds into a game he had all armours in existance. So you know what I did. I went to make a new gamerstag and put in ChuckNorr!s, it gave me an automatic IP ban forever.

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what the crap deku thats no even funny and this topic is dead... chuck norris sucks...

dont go offtopic, pl0x.

and maybe you say im dns, but ghost told me to revive all forum games.

ontopic:

 

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

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Chuck Norris can fart and paint it purple.

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If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

sounds like my one =.=

 

Chuck Norris doesn't pay bills, but bills pay Chuck Norris

Do you remember Bob, that guy who made fun of Chuck Norris? nope, nobody does...

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Jesus can walk on water but chuck norris can swim through land

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what the crap deku thats no even funny and this topic is dead... chuck norris sucks...

 

Chuck Norris You. (I need not put >,< or, =, we all know Chuck Norris wins)

 

Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane with an empty stinger by saying "bang".

 

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

 

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff AND the deputy.

 

The original name for warcraft III reign of chaos was Warcraft III: Chuck Norris, but they decided that was too explicit and would have to be rated Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris does not pay the subscription fee for World Of Warcraft.

 

Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

 

Chuck Norris has halo 3 Recon armour, the thing is he never asked he just set his gamertag as "Chuck Norris" .5seconds into a game he had all armours in existance. So you know what I did. I went to make a new gamerstag and put in ChuckNorr!s, it gave me an automatic IP ban forever.

You know the halo and warcraft and world of warcraft thing I made up :P. And the halo 3 one was hilarious I thought of that because I WANT RECON.

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The common theory is that a meteor crashed into the area now known as the Gulf of Mexico around 65 million years ago, and resulted in the mass extinction of the dinosaurs. What actually happened is that Chuck Norris farted, and all the dinosaurs that didn't die grew hair on their chests and became mammals.

 

In a seven-on-one match of Starcraft: Brood War with seven Korean proffesional players, Chuck Norris won, flattening all seven of his opponents with no more effort than it takes to breathe. He did this blindfolded.

 

When you see Chuck Norris, you are safe. When you don't see Chuck Norris, there's a good chance that you are dead.

 

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that they broke the barrier of space-time, and dissapeared. When looking through historical records, it was determined that they appeared somewhere in the Bremuda Triangle in the year 1931, colliding with an unlucky airplane, sending them both plummeting to the ocean below.

 

Chuck Norris speaks all languages except Latin.... there's a reason why they call it a dead language.

 

Chuck Norris once ate three 72-oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first fourty five minutes having sex with his waitress.

 

 

 

Well, that's all I can come up with for now.

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I want to get this topic back going so:

 

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

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when thomas alva edison invented the phonograph, there were 3 photos of chuck norris in the photo reel

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