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[Game Review] Duke Nukem Forever! -.-

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Duke Nukem Forever, the game that was meant to come out 12 years ago, but was cancelled.

We were left with it being a fun reference, "Forever, because it took them forever to make, haha!"

A game that wasn't made... and now that I've seen it, it really shouldn't have been made.

 

This is BEYOND HORRIBLE. There are NO WORDS to describe the atrocity of the horribleness of this game.

The game lacks anything that would truly provide "fun" or "entertainment".

 

The creators thought "oh hey, we'll add an interactive environment so you can play with anything and feel like you're actually a part of this world!"

And throughout that mindstorming, they decided they'll grab a bunch of stuff together people liked in other games, like riding a car, and essentially copying the game mechanics of Mass Effect 2, Call of Duty, and most essentially Half-Life.

Now, what they have created is merely an abomination.

 

In fact, this is the video game equivalent of Twilight. People play it to become one with Duke, who's being told he's awesome, handsome, and the savior and hero of the whole world. You give out autographs and have your own mansion of sluts, and work for the army, and directly for the President.

....wait, I thought this was a Duke Nukem game! So when do I actually start SHOOTING STUFF? Instead of being addressed by sluts, generals, presidents, soldiers, and random strippers to do their f---ing chore?

Guess what. You don't shoot ANYTHING for 45 minutes. NOTHING. You don't have a GUN. You can't punch, kick, or basically do any of that stuff. In fact, there are no monsters even. No aliens. You just RUN AROUND your fricking mansion and TALK to people who talk ENDLESSLY and don't EVER have a chance to skip!

We got ourselves a good new-type shooter, RPG elements and... linearity. Hell, it's so linear that if you have to interact with something, it's high-lighted so you don't even have to think for a moment. There are no secrets, and...

Did I mention the two weapon limitation? Oh, I didn't. Not yet, anyways. You can hold only TWO weapons, and have an atrociously mortifying ammo system that's just in the way, and is essentially pointless considering whenever you have to actually fight something, they provide you with infinite. But when you're just walking around stomping on rats (yeah that's right, instead of killing aliens of course) you don't get any ammo. The only worthwhile gun in the game is the Shotgun though, and you get an RPG at the end which does not provide the explosion and feel of the old one anyways. You get lasers that suck, the AT laser is just weak and crap and the AT Captain Laser has a 3 second charge up time which you have to do over and over again if you get hit by an enemy. Wow.

 

The list of negatives is endless, yet there's basically almost nothing positive to say about this game. Nothing. We played for 4 hours hoping we'd get something out of it... But no.

In fact, I haven't mentioned how you can one-shot monsters with head shots, BUT if you are two stair cases below, then you aim for the head, and you MISS. You can't shoot across the fricking STAIRS. They're in the way or what? In a new sector? An alternate universe?? Well I'm not sure, but you certainly cannot shoot anything if you're a level below, despite there being nothing blocking the way.

 

The AI is crap, the linearity is atrocious and the whole gameplay is bland, the music is unrecognizable and unmemorable, the weapons suck, it's a whole giant load of crap with RPG elements and endless talking. RPG meaning annoying yet easily solvable puzzles, like putting 3 barrels in a van to make it heavy enough so you can jump over. Great... well wasn't that obvious? Of course it was. It cannot get any more uncreative than it is, really.

 

So whenever you see a positive review of this game, you should know: they are either the creators themselves, or someone who was paid to say it's playable, or someone on an acid trip or shrooms or weed or any sort of mind altering drugs. Anyone in the right mind will most possibly be as disappointed as I was.

 

 

Verdict:

 

Do not even CONSIDER buying this game. Believe it never existed - Duke Nukem Forever never came out.

It's such a shame... It could have been such a nice game - but so many interesting games get cancelled nowadays, right?

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Well, glad I'm happily waiting for the Kinect enabled games coming out this fall. They'll provide me with so much more entertainment than this one.

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I wasn't even very excited about this game to begin with. Thanks for the review.

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I wasn't even very excited about this game to begin with. Thanks for the review.

 

Consider yourself lucky. My brother wanted to buy this game... luckily, we checked and saw what it REALLY was like beforehand. And we're glad we did. As you can see, it was utterly crap by all standards.

Anyways, you're welcome :)

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I watched a lets play of it... got bored very quickly. Its almost like they tried way to much in areas where they should of focused on more interesting gameplay.

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